WHY YOU SHOULD AVOID LSD & OTHER PSYCHEDELIC DRUGS

Singer and guitarist Shawna and bassist Lisa are good friends in an all-girl rock band and live near each other. Before leaving for a gig in a remote area of town that Shawna knows better than Lisa they kill time in Shawna's house, chit chatting and dropping acid. Later, with their cars loaded with gear they leave in separate cars with Lisa's car trailing Shawna's.

After they've been driving for about 15 minutes Shawna sees a police car at a service station. She races into the parking lot with Lisa following and pulls alongside the occupied police car. She parks and leaves the engine running, bolts from the car and rushes to the squad car. She breathlessly tells the police officer, pointing to Lisa's car pulling into the lot, "Officer, someone's following me!"

HYPERACTIVITY/ADHD

A man tells his wife: "Honey, I've noticed that you seem to have trouble focusing on anything. And your mind seems to wander. You have a short attention span. I think you may be hyperactive."

The wife responds, "Now, you hold it right there, Mister. I'm not going to sit still while you call me 'hyperactive.'"

PUNS FOR THE EDUCATED (FROM A FORWARDED E-MAIL)

• The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
• I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
• She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
• A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
• The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
• No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
• A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
• A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
• Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
• A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
• Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
• Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.
• I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.
• A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'
• A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.
• A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
• It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
• The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
• The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
• A backward poet writes inverse.
• In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.
• When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
• Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.